


The Flirting Mechanic

by wisia



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 13:09:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2851952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisia/pseuds/wisia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In modern day New York, Tony Stark is a renowned engineer. So, what the hell is he doing working in a bakery? Because it isn’t easy to win the affections of one Steven Grant Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Flirting Mechanic

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based off “The Flirting Scholar” (唐伯虎點秋香), a Hong Kong film by Stephen Chow. It’s seriously hilarious, and I just thought Tony would do something really ridiculous like that to date Steve.

“How many days has it been since you last ate or showered?” Rhodey asked. Tony stared at him, a world of confusion on his face. Rhodey groaned in return and scrubbed a hand over his jaw. Then, he pointed a finger at Tony.

                “You know what? Forget it. Not going to ask.”

                And Tony went right back to tinkering, the awesome one that involved fire and the possibility of blowing up shit. Then, Tony blinked and cocked his head. The two pieces in front of him were not melding together. Tony squinted at the two pieces of metal as if they would magically infuse together.

                “Come on,” Rhodey said loudly next to him. “Up, up, up.”

As if that would make Tony moved. Tony merely eyed Rhodey in a “can you not?” before his gaze went back to the mysterious reason why his metals were not glued together, not even melting.

                “Tony!” Rhodey pointed at the door to the workshop with a very familiar looking blowtorch.

                “Uh,” Tony said as his mind finally connected the blowtorch to the one that had been in his hand. He flexed his fingers several time as if he could gauge the weight of the tool to be the exact one. “Wait. How’d ya do that?”

                Rhodey sighed and put his blowtorch away.

                “JARVIS, please save everything and lock the workshop.”

                And Tony’s mind finally kicked into gear.

                “Wait,” he said. “Wait. I’m not—“

                “You are finished,” Rhodey informed him with a roll of his eyes and herded him out. Away from all the metal, his work and the lovely blowtorch. Dummy better not steal that one away.

                “But Rhodey,” Tony whined as he looked longingly at his project.

                “JARVIS?” Rhodey prompt, and his damn traitor of an AI answered.

                “Sir, last ate at 4:13 in the morning two days ago and has been up for a total of 58.4 hours.”

                “Thank you,” Rhodey said as he finally managed to pry Tony off the door and the workshop locked with a series of clicks and beeps.

                “Donation!” Tony yelled.

                “As you have threatened before many times,” JARVIS replied.

                “I mean it!”

                “Of course, Sir.”

                Tony grumbled as he climbed the stairs before Rhodey. “You’re a traitor too.”

                “For making you eat and sleep like a normal person?”

                “Yes,” Tony said curtly. “I’m cutting you out of my will.”

                Rhodey snorted as they reach the top. “What a loss. Now, come on. Shower and dress.”

                It wasn’t till later as they were strolling on the streets after stuffing themselves full of fries and burgers did Tony realized that Rhodey wanted to talk.

                “So…,” Rhodey said and glanced upward at the sky as he shoved his hands into his pants’ pockets. “When are you going to start dating?”

                “Have you been talking to Pepper?” Tony said in lieu of responding. It came out less affronted than Tony wanted because he was now running on hour of 60.8 hours of no sleep. Now that it ever affected his performance.

                Rhodey raised an eyebrow at him. Tony, of course, stubbornly avoided it.

                “Tony.”

                “All right, all right,” Tony said. “You should have told me you were lonely. You don’t have to hang out with Pepper, honeybear. Just say the word I’m there and we can have an awesome threesome.”

                “I think I prefer Pepper to myself,” Rhodey said. “But seriously, Tony. You can’t stay alone forever.”

                “I’m not alone,” Tony replied. He really wasn’t. He loved his life right now.

                “Your bots don’t count.”

                “I'm telling JARVIS you said that.”

                “We just want you to be happy. I know you haven’t had a great track record in your relationships but—“

                “Seriously. Are you sure you’re not Pepper? This sounds like something Pepper would say.” Tony glared at Rhodey because yes, he had a poor record, but it wasn’t—Rhodey glared back at him just as fiercely.

                “Are you calling me old?” Tony demanded to know. It was a testament to how long they have known each other because Rhodey didn’t even react to his ridiculous statements.

                “Yes,” Rhodey said. “That’s why you need to go out and find someone, anyone.”

                “I can get anyone I want,” Tony declared. As if to prove his point, Tony winked at a group of girls who were standing in front of a Bed, Baths & Beyond as they passed them. The girls giggled.

                “A meaningful relationship,” Rhodey said. “Beyond sex.”

                “Drop it,” Tony said when it was clear that Rhodey wasn’t going to let it go. “I’m honestly fine. I don’t need anyone.”

                “Okay,” Rhodey said. “At least I tried.”

                “Good, you can tell Pep…”

                And Tony had to pause. Because right across from them was a gorgeous looking man who was extremely built. He looked like a classic American boy, all clean cut and blond hair. The man had several boxes, the top one piled high with pastries and different assorted baked goods.  
                Then, their eyes met and it was such a beautiful blue. It was as if the man could see right into his soul, and Tony just knew that this was the person for him. The moment broke as a car honked its horn, and the man was off again with that delicious box full of food.

                “Uh,” Tony said unintelligently. “I take that back, Platypus.”

                Rhodey followed his gaze to the man and visibly groaned. “Tony.”

                “Shush, now.” Tony said and crossed the street as soon as the light turned. Rhodey trailed after him.

                “I said a meaningful relationship.”

                “I think it will be,” Tony said. When he turned the corner, Tony found they had entered one of the worst part of the cities. A whole line of homeless people covered the street, and that beautiful blond haired man was there in the epicenter. He was passing out the delicious baked goods to the people.

                “Oh,” Tony said. “Kind too. He really is a boy scout.”

                Rhodey tugged on his jacket. “Tony, you can’t go over there.”

                “Yes, I can.” Tony said but was blocked as a horde of homeless cut in front of him. They had evidently heard about the free food. Tony frowned but every step and twist he turned couldn’t get him closer.

                “Damnit,” Tony said and thought about how to get closer. The first and second box were quickly emptied, and he had to get there before all the food was gone. Tony hummed and hurriedly stripped of his jacket.

                “Here. Hold this,” Tony said and tossed the jacket at Rhodey. Rhodey spluttered indignantly.

                “Tony. You better not be doing what I think you’re doing.”

                But Tony wasn’t listening as he mussed up his shirt and hair.

                “Tony!”

                And yeah. Just a bit of mud or so would really help, Tony thought as he smeared it onto his face. He flashed a grin at Rhodey.

                “How do I look?”

                “I think you’re crazy,” Rhodey replied flatly. “Come on. There’s a better way than—“

                “Great,” Tony said as if he hadn’t heard a word that Rhodey said at all. He dived into the next crowd of people, shoving his way through. The people didn’t give him a second look. Everyone was hustling and shoving, determined to get to the source of food. There was sudden gap, and Tony seized it. He wrapped his arms around one of the leg, and god was it a nice leg. All solid.

                “Please,” Tony said. “Can I have one? I haven’t eaten for days.”

                It was a gamble, and Tony held his breath as the man looked down at him.

                “Please?” Tony prompted, adding a pitiful tone to his voice.

                “Sure,” the man said and handed Tony a doughnut. Tony stared at it, surprised he was actually getting it.

                “Um,” Tony said.

                “It’s not enough?” The man asked. “You look really skinny. Here, take another.”

                And the man fished out another doughnut. Tony took them awkwardly.

                “T-thanks,” Tony stuttered. The man smiled as it practically lit up Tony’s entire world.

                “No problem,” and Tony could feel his heart beating hard within his chest. “Say, would you like to—“

                But the man was already going away, handing out the rest of the items. Tony stared after him with a love sick sigh. Then he was rudely jolted out of it with a whack to the back of his head. Tony dropped the doughnuts, hands feeling his head.

                “Rhodey!”

                “What the hell is wrong with you? I’m embarrassed to know you.”

                “I want him,” Tony said plainly.

                “And there are better ways of doing that than pretending to be a homeless person.” Rhodey crossed his arms. “Come on. Let’s get you back before some reporter sees you.”

                “I’m going to marry him,” Tony said.

                “You don’t even know him.”

                “I will,” Tony said.

                “I’m not helping you,” Rhodey said as Tony dusted himself off. “That’s stalking.”

                “Right,” Tony said dismissively. “Minor details.”

                “I’m really not helping you.”

                “I’m going to find out if he comes here often.” Tony wandered over to one of the men next to a trashcan.

                “Hey. I’ll give you my doughnuts if you can tell me about that guy.”

                “Tony!”


End file.
